Your eloquent message about first impressions and your experience with the graphic design company brought to my mind a personal journey regarding relationships with people in my life.

Many years ago I was listening to a business conference recording and the speaker said “…know whom before you speak.” I believe he was telling about speaking in front of an audience and sharing an experience that had left him embarrassed because he had not known who was in the audience. Something he said was offensive to one of the listeners, who later he met again and his first impression had lasted many years. The result was loss of a potential associate, friend, mentor, and the one poorly chosen exchange prevented him from having a positive relationship.
I pondered this lesson for many years. There were times when I wouldn’t speak at all because I did not know who I was speaking to.

Then, about 10 years ago, I heard a story about a monastery of monks who had been preparing their whole lives for a great teacher to come to them. They were diligent about learning everything possible so that they would be prepared and would make a great first impression. Although they were very spiritual and had developed much willingness to serve, there was a growing discontent between them. As time went by, the interpersonal relationships were more and more in conflict. One of the leaders made a decision to seek out a sage to ask when the great teacher would be arriving. His concern was that if it took much longer for the great teacher to arrive, the tension would have escalated to the point that they would all fail to impress the awaited teacher.

The sage listened to the monk as he described the situation. When asked ‘when’ the great teacher would arrive, the sage said “the great teacher is among you already.” The monk asked ‘who is it” and the sage said “the identity of the great teacher will be revealed soon, but until then, be assured that he is already living among you.”

The monk returned to the monastery and shared what the sage had said. Within the very hour, the interpersonal relationships improved, as each was suddenly not sure who this great teacher was. Any one of them could be the one they had hoped to greet and show that they had been disciplined and prepared.

When I heard this story, I realized that “know whom before you speak” was a principle that I could never live up to, however, “knowing that EVERYONE could be the great teacher” allows me to be at ease in the world simply by appreciating the greatness of each one of us and being aware of another quote I like “everyone has lost something, everyone dreams of something, everyone loves something, and everyone has a valuable purpose.”

A few days ago I was traveling to a conference and had checked into my room very late. I had changed my clothes, taken off my makeup, put on fluffy socks (No Shoes), and was getting ready to get some rest. I then realized I needed to return to my car in the garage. I didn’t think twice, just headed down the elevator, through the lobby, out to the garage, up another elevator… well, when I was returning into the lobby I saw a very beautiful couple who appeared to have been to a formal event. My appearance stopped me from being open and friendly. I felt embarrased. I would normally be very friendly to everyone.

I am not sure when I realized how rude it was of me to act invisible. We rode the elevator up a few floors and as the couple was getting off at their floor, the gentleman turned and said “good night” and I replied “good night.” I have to admit, I spent much of the night thinking that it was possible this couple would be at the event I was going to, and I had already given my first impression as being distant, rude, unfriendly, and potentially judgmental. My behavior disturbed me and I had hoped to have an opportunity to meet them again, if only to apologize for being tired and rude.
We are always ‘in a relationship’ with people. When we are smiling at the checker in the grocery store, or driving by the crossing guard as we pass a school. We may not realize the power of one smile, or the potential of simply being kind to someone. So many times I have heard of people who tell of one person being kind to them at a time of great sadness. And as a result, they were motivated to get up and move forward, in spite of often having given up on their very lives.

I am grateful that we crossed paths on twitter when you posted about your blog topic. Thank you again for inviting me to post a comment in this discussion. It is of great importance to me that I do no harm as I tread the path of this life. One way I can be confident of reaching this goal is to strive to remember the power of a smile and a kind word. Especially when it is the very first time I am meeting someone new.

Kindest regards.
IN~JOY,
GypsyOwl