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When people see my online persona and communication style as being nice, pleasant and somewhat polite, they jump to the conclusion that I’m a ’softie’.
Nothing could be WRONGER! 
Stop to think about this. I play in 2 very competitive areas.
Heart surgery is the most gruelling, stressful and challenging of all medical specialities. Residency programs are designed to “break the spirit, if not the man”. Pediatric cardiac surgery is the harder dimension of it.
Online, the ‘make money’ Internet marketing niche is the most fiercely fought battlefield, where ruthlessness and creative innovation rule. More people burn out in this niche than any other… yet it attracts new players every day.
I have been involved in both areas for over 10 years. And have succeeded. In BOTH.
That doesn’t happen by being a ’softie’.
I love getting email and comments like this:
“You are sweet and funny. I have an idea for you. You can be the Positive Mindset Guru.”
I love it because the hard work I’ve invested in controlling my natural aggressiveness and hyper-competitive drive, and sublimating it into intense execution of my 4-word mantra has worked.
What’s the mantra?
“Be Kind. Help Others.”
But that doesn’t mean the underlying core of ‘hardness’ has vanished. It’s still there. Tough as ever!
Sometimes, my readers tell me I did a very courageous thing by ripping the veil off scams, bad behavior or misleading promotions.
I disagree. It takes little if any ‘courage’ to post on a blog or forum. Any ‘keyboard cowboy on crack’ can do it (and many do).
You know what takes real courage?
Looking a mom in her eyes, and convincing her everything will be fine with her little baby during and after heart surgery – while still sharing the risks involved and the possibility of things going wrong, seeing the expression of sheer terror that clouds her eyes, and sharing it.
Or telling a doting father, whose face is lined with the stress and worry of understanding that things did go wrong, that we tried our best for his darling baby – but it wasn’t good enough.
In that way, pediatric cardiac surgery has made me more of a doctor, more of a man, more of a human being, than anything I’ve ever done online.
The attitude, passion and mindset I extend to my work on the Web comes from my offline work as a medical professional. And sometimes, the ethical standards I expect to see in this side of things may place abnormally or unusually high expectations on people I am involved with.
Yet, the belief I operate on is that people live up to (or down to) the expectations placed on them.
Our children will often prove us right – whether we praise them to the sky, or crush them to the ground.
You can tell others in her presence, “She’s obedient, and always listens to what I say” – and the troublesome little tot will magically turn into an angel (at least for a few minutes or hours).
But show them you don’t care either way – and you’ll be rewarded by behavior that is guaranteed to turn your hair white at the roots!
I believe, as a team leader of a highly talented group of cardiac surgical professionals, and as the owner of a list of several thousand online entrepreneurs, that this attitude is just as effective with adults.
My audience knows my lofty hopes and dreams for them – and my expectations of them. And live up to them – or at least, try to.
The email I have on file will astonish you – because some are 3 pages long, and apologize for not being able to do things I push them to, in their own interest.
And yet there are advocates of free choice who will insist that NO ONE has a right to set expectations of others. Bah! Do that, and you’ll get exactly what you hope for – chaos!
As a collective group, beginning as individuals, you and I have a right – indeed responsibility – to set expectations of people we care for and about. They may not always be things that will happen or come true.
But for trying to raise people to the potential they are capable of, you will be rewarded by a subtle, yet significant change in that direction. Don’t just believe me. Try it.
That requires toughness. A ‘take no excuses’ attitude to creating change. An iron-fisted grasp over people, issues and concepts within your circle of influence. A relentless and steady guidance towards ends you want to see appear in your Universe.
Will people like it?
Not always. Unless you explain why you’re doing it – and how they’ll be better for it. And maybe not even then.
That’s why it needs toughness.
But then, I’m no softie!
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